Occasionally you'll get a gaggle of workmen who find themselves on the commuter train. This is usually because they've been asked to do a job 'up town' for some reason. They've finished at 3pm and been drinking for a couple of hours before getting the train home. To be fair they're generally well behaved, not too noisy like the mobile phone men, but what they lack in volume they make up for in smell - fags, sweat, grease and Masterbrew. Their conversations are based around work and the missus, with occasional commentary on the contents of today's The Sun. Rawlplugs seem to be a favourite topic too along with grouting and big tits.

There's a thread of casual racism and sexism to their conversations, although weirdly they have a couple of black mates they work with, to which racist comments do not apparently apply. A few sample conversations are shown below:

"I don't understand burkhas, but I know a few women who could do with wearing one. How do you know if she's good looking or not? Could be pig ugly and you don't find out til after the bloody wedding. Tell you what though, you see a lot of them in Primark."
"A litre of Dulux for 99p there's got to be something wrong with it."
" She took two bloody hours to clean the house. Honestly, I sat there and said - what are you doing that for? Do you really need to clean a toilet more than once a week? That's all she does - goes to work, cooks and cleans. It gets on my nerves."
"He genuinely looks like a ginger Barry White."

How to spot White Van Man
It's hardly difficult. White Van Man prefers to travel in groups and they're rarely seen alone. He may still be wearing his luminous yellow vest thing, along with combat type long shorts and work boots. They don't work in trousers even in winter. He'll have a copy of The Sun in his back pocket, be covered in tattoos and be carrying a can of beer or two to drink on the train. Favoured tattoo area is the neck and on a pronounced, slightly hairy calf muscle. In the old days, it just used to be an anchor on the bicep á la Popeye but time moves on.

Survival tips
He's not too bad to sit near, but definitely not next to. Unless you have no sense of smell. There will be a body piercing somewhere, but don't be tempted to stare at him to look for one. Violence may ensue.