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train toilets

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: the lovely metal finish on the toilet bowl is a particular feature

The toilets on trains are horrendous. They smell like a men's public urinal provided by an inner city council and have an air of seedy decline about them. I'm quite attached to a proper tap, bars of soap and something made of paper to dry your hands (and your bottom), but that's a dream from a couple of decades ago. Now the sensor operated water spout, soap dispenser and automated dryer are all carefully hidden together underneath a large mirror which is at waist height. You can't see them and you can't bend down far enough to have a look, so you have to guess where they are and waggle your hands around a lot. It's a bit of a lottery finding a toilet with all three features working at the same time - invariably the dryer is the missing link.

The toilet bowl is usually made of metal and there's that awful wait after you've pushed the flush button. Four or five seconds elapse then a loud whoosh noise. The hole at the bottom of the bowl opens and the contents you have deposited, plus the toilet paper if there was any, are sucked down and out to god knows where. It's rumoured that with some trains it's flushed on to the tracks - hence the 'do not flush while in the station' signs. Doesn't bear thinking about but I can't say I've seen any jobbies between the tracks.

Survival tips
If possible never ever go to the toilet on a train unless the contents of your kidneys or bowels are so full that it's life threatening. Go before you board the train, go when you get off, use a discreet bag but avoid the assault on your senses and don't enter a train loo unless essential. If you have to go, traipse right up the first class end as the toilets there smell marginally less of male urine. Take tissues with you as there won't be any loo roll and don't ever cover your hands in soap without first testing if the tap/water dispenser works. Many a passenger has had to find ways of scraping piles of liquid soap off their hands without the aid of any moisture (and licking your finger is not a hygienic option). Very difficult and awfully sticky.

Also see Virgin Trains by clicking here

 

 

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