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the moaning cow
is the Ray Mears of commuting
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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: the sardine express on a good day

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: tourists should be held in quarantine until after 9am

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: a typical commuting morning on the 7:15 from Cambridge








survival techniques for getting to work by train

It's a jungle out there and this is The Moaning Cow's guide to help commuters survive the daily ordeal of getting to work by train. It includes outrageous but true information on how to spot and avoid sitting next to nightmare passengers, the health dangers from train announcements, the identification of the worst train routes and the unwritten rules on food, toilet and luggage etiquette. Forget Bear Grylls and his faux death dicing, commuting is the extreme sport for this century and The Moaning Cow knows how to negotiate the toughest challenges.

Dedicated to fellow commuters everywhere - we are heroes

Check out the following to help you survive the daily grind:
The system - how to understand the train system and the worst performing operators
The trains - the redeeming features of trams, the tube and overground trains - if there are any
Who's who - ever wondered about barriermen or the British Transport Police? All is revealed
Commuter types - how to spot the 12 types of annoying commuters and how to survive them
Commuter survival tips - indispensible survival tips to get you through the week
Etiquette and rules - etiquette on the way to work and the unspoken rules of commuting
Out the window - your guide to passing the journey by looking out the window


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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: especially selfish middle aged businessmen

If you're considering buying a house within commuter distance of a new job, you may believe that daily train travel is for you. Better than clogging the local environment with carbon emissions from your Citroen Saxo. It's a responsible decision that will benefit future generations after all. Television and poster ads show manicured trains with jolly staff in neatly pressed uniforms with perfect complexions and very white teeth serving cups of tea served in bone china, whilst your train speeds past queues of frustrated drivers nose to tail on the motorway. How difficult can it be?

Don't be persuaded by this cynical attempt to lure you into buying a season ticket. Only embark on rush hour daily train commuting if you honestly believe you can manage to cope with the following three regularly occurring events without immediately retching or resorting to physical violence:

• standing 2mm from a hairy man's very sweaty exposed armpit for a continuous period of ten minutes
• the strong stench of stale garlic, cigarette or coffee breath
• going to the toilet without the convenience of either toilet paper or soap

If you can tick all three honestly, you will probably be able to endure daily train commuting and survive without an early heart attack or stress-related episode. However, you'll still need some help to get through it so read on and take note.



stuff to keep you entertained on the daily commute

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: the luckiest people on earth - how lucky is it possible to get?

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: my favourite TED lecture - Rives on 4am

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: walking down the road minding your own business

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: that could be me

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COMMUTER SURVIVAL: cruise liner in heavy seas - hold on to your stomach contents

if you want to make a nice comment about my blog please e-mail me at sue@themoaningcow.com.
Alternatively, if you are a train operator write to our complaints department, which doesn't have an address or phone number
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Also see our disclaimer.